I feel like I’ve spent the past few weeks trying not try cry and being infuriated by mushy blueberries.
One problem solved: eat them in oatmeal.
Alternate: in smoothies, but only without greens because otherwise you get a brown smoothie 😦
No real solution to the raw emotions. I lost my shit this weekend when I found out that a friend is five months pregnant. Normally, I can keep my cool — I mean, she didn’t steal my baby, why am I mad — but I lost it.
Of course, after screaming and having a legit temper tantrum, S explained the backstory — she’d had miscarriages and was having a shit time at work — I felt even worse about losing it. I had told myself this story about — of course she’s pregnant, she’s younger and owns her own company and always looks so fucking cute — but it’s not about that, right? It’s about my frustration, and my disappointment, and sadness.
That’s it. That’s the story.
First meeting with the IVF doc tomorrow…