one week out

I feel like I’ve spent the past few weeks trying not try cry and being infuriated by mushy blueberries.

One problem solved: eat them in oatmeal.

Alternate: in smoothies, but only without greens because otherwise you get a brown smoothie 😦

No real solution to the raw emotions. I lost my shit this weekend when I found out that a friend is five months pregnant. Normally, I can keep my cool — I mean, she didn’t steal my baby, why am I mad — but I lost it.

giphy (2)

Of course, after screaming and having a legit temper tantrum, S explained the backstory — she’d had miscarriages and was having a shit time at work — I felt even worse about losing it. I had told myself this story about — of course she’s pregnant, she’s younger and owns her own company and always looks so fucking cute — but it’s not about that, right? It’s about my frustration, and my disappointment, and sadness.

That’s it. That’s the story.

First meeting with the IVF doc tomorrow…

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