stage fright

Of course, after I post on the balanced translocation facebook group about my blog, I have nothing to add. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

Except…

As I mentioned before, we’re not going to do egg retrieval until May. That means this cycle, we could try naturally, without encountering any sort of penalty from an IVF perspective (unless, you know, I got pregnant, and then my body strung me along for eight weeks again). I’ve started my ovulation predictors, mainly because they’ll expire in January, so might as well, but I have mixed feelings about whether I even want to get pregnant naturally.

It just feels like, DAMN. I do not want to have another miscarriage. I try to be all cool like I could handle it, and ultimately, I probably would be fine but the idea of getting pregnant and then not knowing for several more weeks if things are normal is very scary to me right now. I realize there’s still a chance of miscarriage when doing IVF with PGD, but honestly, even if the whole point is to avoid miscarriages, the cost might be worth it to me. I just need some hope. And a positive pregnancy test just wouldn’t give me hope at this point. I think it might just give me more anxiety and let me down even more if I miscarried again.

In better news, I somehow inceptioned S into taking a few days off (!!!) and moving us into the condo before his mom comes to town. Which means I have started packing, listing crap on craigslist, and getting shit done. I’m so happy she’ll be coming to visit in our new place, even if it’s full of boxes, rather than our old place, which will be filthy by the time we move because why clean now™ when we’re just going to move? I can’t believe he offered to take time off and that we’re going to be in our new place just three weeks from today!

 

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