check it to wreck it

Let’s begin. It’s been awhile since I’ve thought about peeing on a stick. I haven’t done it since early January. First I was pregnant. Then I was too scared to get pregnant naturally. Then IVF failure. So this month, we’re trying again. I have so many fears about it, but I am not letting it rule my life. Or so I say.

Except this morning where I ordered pregnancy tests from Amazon and spent time on all those graphs I’ve studied so closely about when to test.

The tests come Wednesday (9 DPO). I’m going to try to hold out for Friday (11 DPO) but won’t go further than that as we are going on vacation and I will want to have (limited?) cocktails with friends if it’s negative. I’m actually feeling kind of gross today but that may be from lack of sleep, too much sun and fun over the weekend, and general anxiety about how to fit in all my work this week when all I want to do is read reddit and pee on sticks.

Not a great time to be distracted now that I’ve finally gotten myself back on course.

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