flash forward

Maybe it’s all the redditing that has distracted me from writing here — I feel as though I have people who understand me and this journey, so I feel less inclined to shout into the void. Anyway, there’s no time like the present to resume, even if it’s just for me.

I’ll be 28 weeks tomorrow. WTF, am I right? Our CVS results came back normal — baby doesn’t even carry the balanced translocation. I cried when I told my mom. This is really happening. As I write, I’m getting kicked or punched or head butted. There is a future human inside of me. It’s all quite surreal.

Throughout this, I’ve been trying to figure out how to stay myself — I’ve always struggled with anxiety, and yet I describe myself as laid-back. Maybe that just means I’m anxious and can’t commit? Anyway, I’ve been practically stoic during this pregnancy — I spent some time with the home doppler before the movement became regular, I still poke the baby when I want reassurance, but I’ve also not taken pregnancy too seriously. I’ve been lucky, of course — no real symptoms outside of fatigue and hunger, though as my standard line goes, “I like to sleep and eat, so pretty easy so far.” I’ve gained probably too much weight (25 lbs at 26 weeks yayyyyy) but nothing shocking. As far as preparation? My nesting has been throwing away everything that isn’t nailed down and buying everything off my registry on craigslist months before my shower. We don’t have a nursery — eventually baby will move into our second bedroom, but even then it will still function as an office or second bedroom (still up for debate). I feel like we are getting the bare minimum of baby stuff. I got a doula so I don’t need to go nuts prepping for childbirth, for which I have no plan other than “everyone comes home alive.” I’m just surprisingly zen about all of it.

Well, except for mat leave and that I don’t/can’t have childcare worked out yet. That makes me itch a little bit. More on that another time — gotta ease back into this. But all is well in my land. What a GIANT difference a year makes.

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